From the line marriage (& other forms of non-monogamy) in The Moon is a Harsh Mistressto Stranger in a Strange Land, I, at age 14 was exposed to the idea that love did not necessarily mean monogamy. Of course, as a geeky, nerdy, shy young man, the idea of even one love in my life seemed far fetched.
Fast forward to the end of my first marriage. (No, this is it a story about what went wrong with my first marriage, it’s a story about how I got to where I am now). I started moving in several different social circles, and started meeting people outside my previous comfort zone. SCA re creationists, members of the Hacking community, and BDSM community members, and members of science fiction fandom, and in each of these diverse communities, one unexpected thing cropped up, over and over again. I found practitioners of polyamory, quietly (and, sometimes not so quietly) living, loving, and negotiating their relationship hurdles on the way.
My second marriage was built on the premise that we would be open to the possibility of polyamory. (Once again, this isn’t the story of why that marriage ended, it’s the story of how I got here). The reality was a bit different, but that’s a story for another time.
Fast forward again, and a good friend of mine (hacker community) is describing the slightly out-of-balance poly household he and his wife were a part of. A few weeks later, I found myself the fourth adult member of household. Adding a fourth seemed to stabilize things for a while. When it came apart, it was because the ground rules of the relationship were violated.
After my live-in experiment came to an end, I retreated into a number of monogamous relationships, feeling like maybe polyamory wasn’t really possible, in the long term.
Then I wound up in another relationship. It wasn’t the optimal relationship, but polyamory was once more under discussion. The relationship didn’t last, but thoughts of polyamory remained.
I had a good friend, living 8 hours away, and while she and I never got together, she was always a good listener. So in steps the next woman in my life, when I least expected it. We started dating, and discussed the possibility of polyamory. We moved in together, and found we were a very compatible couple. We planned our wedding, and a good friend (remember my good friend living 8 hours away?) who offered to be a wedding present for the both of us.
So, here we are.. My lovely wife, our sweet girlfriend, and I.
This blog will be our place to learn, share, and grow, and hopefully help others.
- Is Polyamory a Sexual Orientation? (slog.thestranger.com)
- Polyamory: Philosophy vs. Reality (lanesoflove.wordpress.com)
- Is it Obvious What I Believe? (lovingmorethanone.wordpress.com)
- The Silliest Things I’ve Ever Heard: Poly Misconceptions (pearlsandpentagrams.wordpress.com)