Questions from a Monogamous Friend


(Photo credit: Valerie Everett)

Two women, huh?  And they’re okay with this?  How’d you get your wife to go along with this?  So, it’s all about you, then? How does it work? Man, your the luckiest guy in the world!

Wow. A lot of questions, and not a lot of understanding.  So, as a public service, I’m going to answer these questions, and hopefully clear up some of the misunderstandings. Lets take them one at a time:

  • Two women, huh?
    Yes, two women, and one man. But that’s only one way of looking at it. It’s also my wife and myself, my wife and our girlfriend, our girlfriend and I.  Lots of permutations and combinations. But if you want to work out the math, this is neither the time nor place.
  • And they’re okay with this?
    Well, since we’re in a consensual relationship, yes. In fact, this was more or less my wife’s idea. I didn’t arrange this by beating on my chest, being a testosterone fueled jack-ass, and demanding my manly rights. I listened to what she was saying, about what her needs, wants, desires and passions were, and without letting my feelings get hurt, thought logically about the best way to meet her needs. Our girlfriend likewise had expressed similar interests, so it was a matter of sitting down together, and agreeing to give it a try.
  • How’d you get your wife to go along with this?
    Like I said, it was mostly her idea. Talking with her about what her needs were, we determined that swinging wasn’t really what we were after.  It’s not that there’s anything wrong with swinging, but she (and I) were looking for an emotional connection, not just “Sport-Sex”. (And to those in the swinging community, Yes, I know there’s more to swinging). We looked just at her having a girlfriend, but she felt like she wanted me to be involved, too.
  • So, it’s all about you, then?
    No, it’s really not about me.  It’s about us. All three of us. Caring about each other, meeting each others needs. It’s not even all about the sex. Its about friendship, companionship, and eventually, resolving the long-distance issue, and living together, as family.
  • How does it work?
    Well, if you think being a couple and keeping the relationship growing and thriving takes communication, let me tell you… it’s more than twice as much communication to keep a triad humming along smoothly. The wife and the girlfriend will talk, and come up with plans, then they have to get me in the loop.  The nice thing is that there is always someone willing to listen. The potential downside comes in when one or more of us “react” without thinking first. See “Have Some Pie and Ice Cream” for how that has happened, and how we handled it.
  • Man, your the luckiest guy in the world!
    Yes, I am, but not in the way you think.  It’s not that I get to sleep with two women.  It’s all about how I have two wonderful women who love me, love each other, and the powerful friendship that is growing between us.

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